I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
