can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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