we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
