Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
