I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
