i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
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He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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