i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
