there's paper in my vomit.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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