I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
