If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
should my penis look like a turkey
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
