I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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