A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
