Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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