morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
