You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
