What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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