this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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