Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
