I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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