I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
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I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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