You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
