it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
