You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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