Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
