did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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