If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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