your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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