i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
