dude i'm inner monologue high
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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