Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
