JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
