i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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