one two three fourrrrnication!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
