im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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