Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
