Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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