Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
