She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
