Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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