areolas are like halos for boobs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
