really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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