I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
