you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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