tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
