my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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