bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
