So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
this just has baby written all over it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
