i already hear my dad disowning me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
