I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
