He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
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You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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