I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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