I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
