Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
