If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
