I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Randomize
