He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
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All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize