I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
