Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
