I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
