after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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