my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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