you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
