So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
