it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
