I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
