I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
