I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
