can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
