i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he puts the penis in happiness.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Someone signed my nipple.
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