i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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